|
|
Sunday, August 6th, 2006
| |
8:31 am
|
|
| Monday, June 19th, 2006
| |
7:07 pm
|
|
I GET TO SEE MY TWOS TOMORROW
|
|
|
| Wednesday, June 14th, 2006
| |
9:34 am
|
|
| Saturday, June 3rd, 2006
| |
7:05 am
|
we're a tangle
a mess
of limbs and secrets
piles
|
|
|
| Saturday, May 27th, 2006
| |
1:28 pm
|
"this is my job"
(10 second pause)
"no."
|
|
|
| Monday, May 1st, 2006
| |
7:06 pm - td awards
|
sooo we totally had the talented drama oscars at my house last night
there was tons of food and chicken
and the attire was obnoxious formalwear
HERES THE PICTURES
hugh heffner.. we're got a bunny for you!
it was a very serious affair.. with soft drinks!
i LOVE these boys
maaaac, making it impossible for me to forget i love theater
HOBAG!!!!!!
hes serious about his chicken
so dramatic
she's sooo pretty!
i hate taking pictures with STUPID LEAH
(who i love)
pilgrims :-)
so i definetly got to do my marco polo monologue in front of my parents
AWESOME HUH?!!?!
my beautiful sarah won best director, best stage manager, and MVP!!!
my gorgeous pars won best set for the birds
pretty pretty leah won best actress for the birds
and i got best publicity for the birds and best monologue ;-)
current mood:  bouncy
current music: number one-john legend
|
|
|
| Monday, April 10th, 2006
| |
3:39 pm
|
she's outside herself
and inside herself
and outside herself
and by herself
and feeling herself
and hurting herself
and living herself
and inside herself
and inside her head
and outside herself
and hes outside herself
and hes inside herself
and hes outside herself
and inside herself
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out
and shes in himself
and hes inside herself
and hes kissing her neck
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out
and in
and he looks at herself
and he can see himself, in herself
and she looks at himself
and she can see herself, in himself
they connect
they collide
they mezmorize
they smile
eyes.
can't.
let.
go.
hands .
lose.
all.
control.
they think
perfect
they look
perfect
they feel
perfect
they lie
perfect
they whisper
perfect
he stops.
he turns around
he prepares to leave
she grabs his wrist
she looks in his eyes
she pleads
he looks in her eyes
he sees himself
he runs
she falters, unsure
not steady
without her rock
without her sense
without her self
without her worth
where?
where?
where?
where?
"i don't know, i don't know. i don't know! i don't know... I DON'T KNOW? I don't know. i don't know, i don't know!
i don't know!! i don't know? i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i. don't. know."
the silvery shadow
closes the doors
closes reality
closes away
escape
she clicks her heels
and looks at the stars
and her heart beats faster and faster
but she continues
her heart becomes heavy
but she continues
her heart cries for help
and she continues
heavy heavy heavy heavy
burden burden burden burden
sleep sleep sleep sleep
smile smile smile smile
and in the mail
she sends her woes
and closes her eyes
she prices herself
detaches herself
loves
that
girl
current mood:  hungry
current music: rejazz-regina spektor
|
|
|
| Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
| |
11:10 pm
|
wow
i have never felt like this before
current mood:  discouraged
|
|
|
| Saturday, March 18th, 2006
| |
2:51 am
|
|
| Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
| |
2:49 am
|
I'm a sporadic sleeper! yipeee!
and i can't admit to myself that i consistently constantly connivingly always think and wonder and hope and chatter my teeth in a way that might reach the heart of some person who doesn't spend a moments thought on honesty. and i am so desperate for a chance to hurt, to cause pain and it sickens me but somehow reminds me of every single day that i exsist. parafilm, sheetrock, openings and closings and keys that do not fit in the locks and i want to break large glasses and small plates and close off the doors to my heart that i so carelessly opened. i want to be able to admit to myself that something did happen, but i can't because i can't open myself to my stupidity.. my obscene insane outrightness
|
|
|
| Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
| |
1:31 am
|
"Playing her parchment moon
Precosia comes
along a watery path of laurels and crystal lights.
The starless silence, fleeing
from her rhythmic tambourine,
falls where the sea whips and sings,
his night filled with silvery swarms.
High atop the mountain peaks
the sentinels are weeping;
they guard the tall white towers
of the English consulate.
And gypsies of the water
for their pleasure erect
little castles of conch shells
and arbors of greening pine.
Playing her parchment moon
Precosia comes.
The wind sees her and rises,
the wind that never slumbers.
Naked Saint Christopher swells,
watching the girl as he plays
with tongues of celestial bells
on an invisible bagpipe.
Gypsy, let me lift your skirt
and have a look at you.
Open in my ancient fingers
the blue rose of your womb.
Precosia throws the tambourine
and runs away in terror.
But the virile wind pursues her
with his breathing and burning sword.
The sea darkens and roars,
while the olive trees turn pale.
The flutes of darkness sound,
and a muted gong of the snow.
Precosia, run, Precosia!
Or the green wind will catch you!
Precosia, run, Precosia!
And look how fast he comes!
A satyr of low-born stars
with their long and glistening tongues.
Precosia, filled with fear,
now makes her way to that house
beyond the tall green pines
where the English consul lives.
Alarmed by the anguished cries,
three riflemen come running,
their black capes tightly drawn,
and berets down over their brow.
The Englishman gives the gypsy
a glass of tepid milk
and a shot of Holland gin
which Precosia does not drink.
And while she tells them, weeping,
of her strange adventure,
the wind furiously gnashes
against the slate roof tiles. "
|
|
|
| Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
| |
6:13 am
|
i just want to make you all jealous.
because even though i have no time for them and im so frazzled
they're mine
go eat till you have stomach pains
and wallow your sorrows in pineapple juice
because as much as i would hate ever saying "i am dependent on a man"
i get giddy when i say, even to myself,
"i am dependent on them!!"
|
|
|
| Friday, February 17th, 2006
| |
10:52 pm - needy needy me
|
|
| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
| |
6:24 am
|
|
| Sunday, February 12th, 2006
| |
10:46 pm
|
|
apparently when im attracted to pretty skinned men i become very confident and hostile
|
|
|
| Monday, February 6th, 2006
| |
9:12 pm
|
i absolutely positively refuse to give in. i will not restrict myself from feelings or prepare myself for a day when i do not have all that i have now. i will not give in, or succumb to fear, embarrassment, or loneliness. i will not hide from being a better person. i will not tremble in the face of the future, or think of a time when i will not have it. because honesties of honesties, the only way that this can go away is if i hide from it. because my soul has been attached, and i can say for certain that once i am stuck, even the fires of anyones jealousy, the cold shivering of distance, and the alarm of tiresome people who will not fulfill me can not unstick me. i am absolutely glorious in my completely honest form, and i will never have to do it by myself. i will always have my soul to reach out to. always . because i am loved for who i am. honestly, wholly, and with all my flaws and misdirections. and that's why the world is jealous of me.
|
|
|
| Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
| |
9:44 pm
|
i kind of wish all of it had never happened
then i wouldn't feel so empty about the nothingness
where did the honesty go?
|
|
|
| Monday, January 23rd, 2006
| |
8:01 pm
|
|
| Saturday, January 21st, 2006
| |
2:15 am
|
happy birthday adam!!!!!
|
|
|
| Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
| |
6:35 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
loudbrown's journal